Information is Power in Leadership & Negotiations

Hello. Hello, you're listening to power banking the podcast for women leaders in male-dominated Industries. I'm your host, Jacqueline Twillie. I am the president at [company] and best-selling author of two books. My second book was recently released.

Don't leave money on the table. Well, let's dig into today's episode. When was the last time you practice asking questions? Think about it. When was the last time you put intention behind practicing the questions that you ask.

Well? Today's episode is about the some surprising power of asking questions. Most of the time as Leaders, your workday is spent asking others for information requesting, maybe updates from different team members or team leaders. Are you are presenting questions in a negotiation? Now negotiation is my favorite topic.

Talk about and Leadership and we know that negotiation is a conversation, not a battle. And with that context that negotiation is a conversation, not a battle. We're going to explore how to get more out of your day to day activities as a leader by asking questions. Now, some professionals are trained to ask questions, lawyers, doctors, even journalist part of their training and their profession is to uncover information by presenting questions in different manners, but when it comes to leaders and different Industries for the purpose of this podcast, male-dominated, Industries few are taught the power of asking questions and really there isn't much training on how to improve on Question the skill of asking questions.

So what I would like to do today is this is going to be an interactive podcast for you to maximize the information that I'm about to share with you. You definitely have to practice a lot of this and it's not going to be a one time in done. I want you to want you to practice the tips. Actually, my coffee is just kicking in. So, Hopefully I'll stop stumbling over these words and just a second here.

So I want you to practice what we're talking about, in today's episode over the course of a week. So after a week of intentionally, practicing the questions that you ask stop and in the following week, if you feel like those questions, those skills that you were practicing, if you felt like they were beneficial then, pick it back up again. So, just asking you all to go with me on this. Episode. We're going to go through quite a few tools here and then, practice the things that you learn for a week and then stop, but if you notice that those skills were helpful, pick it back up again.

So questions, the reason why it's so powerful is that it's it unlocks value in your organization's, in your conversations, and it really is a catalyst for Learning and exchanging ideas, and questions is one of those Things that when companies say they want to be Innovative and they want to compete at a high level questions as a way to do that because it allows you to think outside of the box questions. Also help you to build relationships and Rapport, and when you're leading a team, trust can be established through the questions that you asked. So, Recently in Dallas. I hosted a off-site training for women leaders and the topic was risk, resilience and reward.

And in that we talked about how businesses mitigate Risk by uncovering unforeseen, pitfalls and Hazards and they do that through questions. So for some people questions, come easy, like you might be a naturally inquisitive person and you can tap into emotional intelligence. You have a skill. Where you're able to read people and you can create questions just off the tip of your tongue, but that's not the case for everybody. So most of us, we really don't ask enough questions are inquiry enough.

At some point in my life. I recall I was very inquisitive at one stage of my life and as an auntie of nieces and nephews that I absolutely adore one of The things that I can tell you is that my two-year-old niece is great at asking questions. And if you know, it's who you roll. You can probably relate. They want to know the why of everything.

She'll be three soon. And I think it's that 23 is stage where if you tell her to do something, she wants to know why, and when you respond, she has another question. She wants to know why to that as well. And that inquisitive nature that kids have, I wish. Could carry that on as adults in it into our leadership because it is a very valuable skill to have.

So by asking questions. We naturally improve our emotional intelligence. Did you know that? And when we improve our emotional intelligence, it allows us to make better informed decisions and lead more effectively. So if you don't ask, you don't get That's something that you may be aware of when it comes to negotiation.

But I want a phrase that in a different way. If you don't ask questions, you don't get information and in business as well. In life, the more information you have the better informed decisions. You can make people with information. They have the most power.

So in 1936 this book came out and it is still one of the best selling books. Almost a decade later the author Dale Carnegie. He wrote a book about how to win friends and influence people. And this was one of the very first books that my mom bought me. I still have that copy that she gave me and I have tape on the cover but Dale Carnegie in this book talks about being a good listener and he says that in order to Win Friends and Influence People, you have to ask questions that the other person will enjoy answering.

So this means that you have to be intentional about the questions that you present. So what we find when we look at some research that was done by Harvard Business School, a few years ago. They found that most people don't ask enough questions and the common complaint that people have after engaging in a conversation, whether it's an interview, a work meeting, even a date, is that I wish he or she Had asked more questions are. I can't believe they didn't ask more questions. So that goes to show you that people really like questions.

It's all about how you phrase the questions and being really engaged with the intention behind what you're seeking because people can read through BS. That m is really high for most folks. So if you're genuine and you're genuinely curious, and you want to know, then that, Some receives it the same way and they're more willing to share with you. So let's talk about a couple of reasons why people don't act a lot of questions. It's because we have egos and our egos Linda's to in a conversation, make us want to impress others.

So we want to share our own thoughts, our own stories, our own ideas, which prevents us from asking other people questions. And in some cases people, We'll simply don't care what the other people other person is saying. That's why they don't ask questions because they may say, I'll be bored by their answers are. You know, that person talks too much or whatever the case may be, and some people are so over confident in their own knowledge, that they think they already know the answers to everything. Someone just came to mind but we're going to keep moving in this podcast.

So here's the thing. Some people don't ask questions because they worry, that they'll ask the wrong question are and they're concerned about their perception. If they don't ask the proper question. Will they be considered rude or incompetent? And that's another thing that holds people back.

Now based on the research that Harvard Business School did, Years ago, they found that most people just don't ask questions because they don't understand how beneficial good questions are. And if they did understand it, they would really engage in conversations from a different approach and really prepare 2x open-ended questions. So, let's dig into a little bit more of how you can enhance your questioning ability. So asking a lot of questions first. Of all it, unlocks a learning and secondly, it improves your interpersonal bonding.

So as Leaders interpersonal, bonding translation trust, if you're leading a team, people need to know you. They have to like you and that leads to trusting you now. Can you force people to do stuff people that don't like you? Yes, you can. Can you be a leader with people that don't like you?

Yes, you can. But will you get as much done? If they do know you and they do trust you. No, so trust and likability are huge factors and being an effective leader. And by asking questions, you're able to establish that trust that Rapport and engage in those deep questions and those deep relationships.

So, The very first step in becoming a better questioner is to Simply ask more questions, but there are some new ones has. You can't just start blazing questions bombarding people with it, the quality of the conversation matters. So think about your tone, the type of questions you present the sequence in which you ask questions and the framing, all of those things, matter a lot in terms of establishing trust, deepening your relationships and most importantly, Getting information. Because as we said at the beginning, information is power. The more information you have as a leader, the better informed decisions you can make.

So there are a couple of types of questions that are very impactful, but follow-up questions tend to be the strongest, in terms of relationship building. So now, questions are create created equal and there are four types of of questions that are generally used in the conversation. So there's introductory questions. Mirror questions bull, switch questions, and follow-up questions. So an example of an introductory question is, how are you?

An example of a mirror question, is I'm fine. How are you? So, you're just taking the question that you received and putting it back on. The other person, a full switch. Question is, where you change the topic of the conversation altogether and then the follow-up questions.

Those are the ones where you just seek more information. And the reason why the follow-up question is so impactful, is that it signals to the other person that you are listening. And that you want to know more and it indicates that you care. So if you're typing or texting on your phone typing an email to someone as they're answering your questions, it decreases the impact of asking those open-ended questions. So once you present a question, you want to be aware and engage in that conversation so that you're interacting with the person so that they feel respected as well as heard now a Fit of asking follow-up questions is that it doesn't require much preparation of front.

If you're actively listening in a conversation, then you can create questions, follow-up questions that come natural to you and people like to follow up questions because again, it shows them that you care. So I just mentioned open-ended questions. Let me dive into that a little bit more. Nobody wants to feel like they're being interrogated in a Relation. And so, you know that sometimes when you have a conversation with someone and they ask too many questions and it just has like a weird vibe.

You're like, why are they asking me so many questions? This is weird. It's kind of creepy. You don't want to be a weirdo. So here's what you do.

Ask open-ended questions, that can counteract that perception that maybe you're being too nosy or you're being a little weird. So what research has shown us, is that That if you're asking closed-ended questions and let me Define here, open it it questions or questions. That can't be answered with a, yes, or no. And closed questions, their questions that can be answered with a yes, or no, so, By asking narrowing questions, which are closing two questions, where you can get like, a one word answer, those questions can introduce bias and manipulation and people can feel when they're being manipulated.

So if someone is continuing to lead you down the path, would you agree with this? Yes or no. Would you agree with that? Yes, or no. That's a leading question.

People can feel like that's being manipulative. That's also a closed-ended question. So, definitely be aware of the closed-ended questions that you asked how frequently you axles inside of a conversation, especially if you're looking to elicit trust now open ended questions. They're not always the best either. So there's times where closed-ended questions come into play.

And there are times where open-ended questions come into play. Let me give you an example. If you are in the middle of a tense, negotiation, and Dealing with people who don't want to give you information, asking an open-ended question can allow them to completely hijacked the conversation and move to a different point. So if you ask an open-ended question to someone who doesn't want to give you the information, it gives them an easy out a way for them to change the subject. For example, so just be mindful of when you use open-ended questions and close.

Any questions. Now, let's talk about the sequence really quick the optimal order of your questions. It really depends on the context of the conversation. So by being engaged in the conversation, actively listening, you'll know, when to throw in certain questions, when you're in a tense conversation, try to ask the first the toughest questions first, even if it feels awkward. So brene Brown, what am I?

Favorite authors. I'm paraphrasing from her books. The gift of imperfection. She talks about how people paraphrasing for the sake of this conversation. She says to choose discomfort instead of resentment.

So pretty much what that saying is be uncomfortable in the moment. Ask the question versus resenting yourself for not asking later. So just have that awkward moment and by asking those tough questions up front. And I'm talking about the sequence here. It makes you more conversational, and it makes that person more willing to open up because if you're dreading it, they might be driving it as well.

And once you get that out of the way, you're able to have a fully engaged conversation. And when you are dealing with sensitive information and you have to ask questions of a sensitive nature, think about the different ways, you can present that? There's always more than one way to ask a question and I know I've been in Situations where I've said, you know what that could have been asked in a different Manner. And in those cases, I really try to be intentional and go into my next conversation, presenting my questions in a different manner. So if you are dealing with sensitive information or sensitive topics before you go into that conversation, think through the different ways, you can present that question.

So if your goal is to build relationships and elicit trust opening with less sensitive, Questions and then escalating slowly, that can be more effective. But again, it all depends on the context of the conversation, but my rule of thumb is by asking the tough questions up front, especially when both parties are aware of what's going to be discussed. And allows people to open up because what you've done is you've taken the elephant out of the room. Now our tone, the tone of the conversation, people are more forthcoming when you ask questions in a casual way rather than a buttoned-up official tongue.

So there is a meme going around the internet a few months ago and it said something like this. My corporate clap back is per my last email and per my last email everyone understands. It's about to go down. All in a very professional way, but it may not be the time for things to a quote-unquote go down. So really you decide on the tone that you're going to use, not only if you're speaking verbally, but if you're speaking in a written format as well, people tend to be more forthcoming when they know that there's no catch or no one's out to get them in a conversation.

So just keep that in mind and then pay attention to group dynamics. It's so if you're asking questions in a group setting, it can influence how other people answer questions. So if you are going into a scenario where you're presenting a question to the group, what tends to happen in most cases is that the first person will give you a response and a lot of people will piggyback and follow up after that. It's rare in cases where you're dealing with your team members at. People will Buck the trend of the first answers, if it's something very well.

Now, if it's written and they're sharing their answers later that changes. So just be aware of the group dynamics and be intentional about how you want to present your questions. So a conversation is like a dance. It requires your partner's to be in sync and remember negotiation is just a conversation. Action, it's a mutual push and pull that just unfolds over time.

So just as we ask questions that can facilitate trust and sharing of information the way you answer questions can do the same thing. But if you're going to really be a great questioner, you have to be able to listen. So take notes when people are talking it's completely acceptable to jot down things. I I prefer jotting down handwritten notes versus using a, an electronic device, because using any electronic device can give the perception that you might be emailing or texting. But if you're jotting down notes, if you're talking to someone face to face, it's generally more accepted.

So those are a few tips of Asking questions, but before we wrap up, I do want to share this thing. This one point about deciding what to share. Now. There's no rule of thumb of how much, or what type of information you need to share. But transparency, is a powerful Catalyst in building relationships.

So given that you have the context ad. Sharing and being open can build trust sharing too much can backfire. So again the context of the conversation matters and you have to be intentional about what you share. So When you go into a conversation, decide what you're going to share, but think carefully about whether or not you're going to refuse to share anything when you decide to keep information private and not share its best to deflect our answer. The question with a joke to change the subject and move along that way.

You're not offending the other person and you're not breaking the trust, right? So it's easy to move guide out of Permission that you don't want to share our maybe it's too soon to share certain things. So Albert Einstein famously said, question everything, but what I got from reading more about Albert Einstein and that quote question everything, it really lends to creativity. The more, you know, the better informed decisions you can make. So be willing to seek out information, questions and thoughtful answers.

They Foster. For smoother and more effective interactions and they help us strengthen Rapport and Trust And Lead teams towards their our Collective goals. So I want to know what questions do you have about today's episode? Send me a message whether it's on LinkedIn, are in the power, banking Facebook group. And let me know after listening to today, what questions you ask and don't forget, the assignment your For this podcast episode is to engage in the tips that I shared in this episode.

Try it for a full week and then stop if you notice after you stop that it helped pick up this activity of asking questions again until next time, continue to emulate excellence and eliminate excuses.